About 8 weeks ago my Grandma had a fall and 6 weeks ago a stroke. She is legally blind in 1 eye, has some memory issues, and is now struggling with anxiety and depression. She has 4 living children and 10 (all adult) grandchildren, so providing care for her shouldn’t be difficult with so many of us.
Keyword- SHOULDN’T BE!
I work from home, and my husband and I don’t have children yet, so I was able to move in and be her main/full-time caregiver WITH the expectation that everyone else would help out on the weekends. The past 3 weekends I have been here Friday & Saturday or Saturday & Sunday. There are 4 children and 9 other grandchildren, so I think this is ridiculous!
Most weekends (if I get a break) I’m relieved Friday between 7-8pm and needed to return Saturday morning, by noon at the latest. This is NOT a break and actually would just be easier to stay Friday evenings. So, that’s what I decided..
I sent out a text message to her children saying I would stay Sunday evenings through Saturday mornings and do 1 weekend a month. That literally leaves 1 day a month, on average, for each of them. 1 day a month!!! And I’m doing 27-28 days! This is more than fair, right?
One of her children said they could only do Fridays (oh and only every other Friday), because they are busy. Busy? Seriously? Yes- with yard work, house work, etc..
I guess I’m not busy!
Similar situation..well to be fair two of my siblings live on the west coast
..my brother lives in neighboring state NJ and does what he could…my younger sister lives in Maryland and won’t even answer the phone when my Mom calls her…I can see she’s active on Fb…pick up the phone
..she’ll be the first one with her hands out when my Mom is gone
..only calls when she needs money…I also have 15 grown nieces and newphews…they never call…except for a few…when she remembered..( my Mom) she never forgot their birthdays….etc…it’s I feel very sad about this…but I don’t want a family war ?
That’s too much for you to take on. I would find a caregiver for her the days you can’t commit. If they have an issue with it they need to step up. Stand firm. You will only resent them and burn yourself out. You need to take care of you too.
Its just me hubby and my mil. Mil got an aide to come mondays to help her shower and shes here for 4 hours. Mil comes all the other days, for 4-5 hours at a time, sometimes longer. Hubbys other siblings??? 1 gramma hasnt seen since her birthday…months ago!!!!
Make up a monthly schedule and fill in the days you are available and let them fill in their days. If they don’t step up, then perhaps hiring someone is what you’ll end up doing. Family sucks
And if they can’t fill in for your days off they need to pay for 24 hour care for the days you can’t be there since you’re putting in 5+ days a week. You’re gone Friday night EVERY WEEK and you will be back Sunday night EVERY WEEK. Oh, and with all of them schedule a 2 week vacation every 6 months. If they can’t fill that they have to pay for the 24 hour care for your vacation. This has to be non negotiable or they will walk all over you.
You live there so they assume it’s all your responsibility now. At least that’s what happened to me. Then my marriage suffered because of it. Clearly state in a message just because you live there does not mean you assume all caregiving responsibilities. I hope your outcome is better than mine. My family doesn’t speak to me now because they know I will ask for help. Avoidance was their solution. Prayers for you ?
You are her GRAND daughter- her CHILDREN should take the most of the responsibility. The calendar is a great idea but I would almost state that I would do every other week and they can figure out the rest- with this many kids/grand kids there SHOULD be no issue – you are entitled to a life. Whatever you decide about what you can do- stick to it- If you back down then its yours…
We are ALL busy, have our own errands, appts, jobs, yard work, kids stuff etc etc. You make time for whats the most important and they are saying their mom/grandmother is less important than mowing the lawn??? FYI- you are not alone we almost all deal with this and family will allow you to do it all for as long as it lasts.
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