Family Criticizing me Despite All I do to Care for Dad

The useless family members stopped by this Saturday and let us know that the bathroom is “disgusting” and that Dad’s pillow is yucky –

Well never mind the fact that he is clean, dressed, fed and skin is in great shape despite him being incontinent, never mind thanking us for giving up our lives to keep dad out of a home and preserving their inheritance.

Never mind that Dad is loved and cared for and sleeps in his home every night and gets 1:1 care – bathes 3 times a week and is seen by a Docotor every other week with hospice that we set up – no don’t notice that.

That Dad gets individual attention and walks in the fresh air or sits on the deck as we grill dinner instead of him sitting in a hallway day in and day out strapped to a chair never having the feeling of sunshine on his face – nope – don’t mention that.

That he has a dog to pet and birds that he loves to watch to help ease his anxiety – don’t say a thing about that – but that dirty bathroom that we have because when dad does try to use the toilet and we let him have that dignity he may miss – and that pillow was the last one we had this week because he has peed on the rest of them and they were in the wash.

The bathroom downstairs may be clogged but no one used it since dad clogged it back when he was putting all sorts of things in the toilet – but did you fix it or call a plumber? No of course not. Did you clean the disgusting one?

No of course not – but we will get to it because we have all the time on our hands because Dementia patients just sit there like a book on a shelf- they dont walk and stumble and fall, they dont get into things that can harm them and we dont have to be on constant alert.

Maybe the next time you come over – instead of going through all the stuff and see what you can take home – use that time to plunge and scrub!

Comments

1
Bravo! My sister shows up once or twice a year. Her husband will only sit in a kitchen chair, he wrote dust me on the tv stand. And their last purchases were a hand mixer, a cover for her power recliner and a vacuum. For Mother’s Day they sent me 2 gift cards while they were headed off to a Tahitian vacation. I did not send a thank you card.

2
Oh I hear about how they are on vacation or fishing or can’t be late for a party..I can’t leave to shop so I pay someone and I don’t work because I can’t afford to..work and pay for care..or get my hair done or watch tv because the noise bothers him, or close the bathroom door because he’s constantly turning the knob while I’m in there..they give up nothing and deliver judgement and contempt!! Tell them how you feel because your loosing nothing from them anyway..next time they want to come by make an appointment, bring a meal and leave empty handed or don’t come at all

3
Perhaps they’d like to be some caregivers for a week and see if they can do any better. Geesh! Left my brother with my mother for 7 days alone while I took some time away. Returned, he said nothing to me and has NEVER since ridiculed or criticized.

4
Great! I’m so glad you noticed! I’ve been so busy taking care of Dad, I haven’t had time to plunge it! Cleaning day is Saturday- when can you come by???

5
Can so relate to this shallow, selfish set of relatives. I wish I were there to give you a fellow caregiver hug. You have your LO home for all the reasons we do. You are an angel ??? doing so many lovely and thoughtful things to make a difference.

4
? my brother has time for mini-vacations…..no time to come up here to visit his parents……and assumes their house is spotless “by now”……in the trenches with you.

5
I would have said Do you have a minute , I can get you the supplies to clean the bathroom ! Thank you so much ! And while your out can you please get me a 4 pack of bed pillows. Thank you so much ! Lol

6
Oh my gosh. I LOVE THIS!!! You wrote exactly what I have been going through for the last 9 years. No one offered to help, Not financially or physically, but he sure wants his inheritance. Unfortunately I lost my precious Dad April 7. It’s going to be a nightmare because I have a sibling that all he cared about was what he’s going to inherit. I’m going to copy and paste this for my future reference.

7
I love your post!!
I hope our responses are helping to support you.
You sound like a wonderful lady. They’d get a shock if you handed them the toilet cleaner when they walk in the door next time!!!

8
You are doing an amazing job. It DOES seem thankless some days -ok most days- but his quality of life is so wonderful with you there to protect him!

9
My family is coming 4th of July for a few days. You better bet your a** my truck will be packed and loaded with kids in toe, while exchanging a hug. One of those days will be a funeral 200 miles away, but hopefully at least one will be a day of ABSOLUTELY NO ADULTING AT ALL. The house is clean, laundry is done, fridge is full. If you need me, call 911! You are doing a great job. It sucks that this is our only way out. They have no clue cause they can go home.

10
You said it all. Your situation is the same for me here. My dad has alhzeirmers and his mind is gone. Only his physical body is with me. He is like a toddler now. I have to bathe and feed him. I have two brothers that only cone to pay a Dr. Visit when they need help and money. Yes they will find all what’s wrong from my house but won’t dear buy a single pampers for dad. It’s frustrating but guess what they t forget that they are getting old and i just pray that they don’t inherit the disease.

11
Boy oh boy sometimes I wish I could share these posts.with my family members . This post right here..Omg !!! this post right here….lord lord..lord. this post right here..Dear Lord in heaven this post right here…Yall dont even know this post right..here..you had to be reading my mind and sitting in my head when you wrote this..you better speak on it..cause every word hit home..

12
OMG, Story of my life. My mom had Dementia, she did everything you mentioned..and my dearest family only criticized but never help!! ?
RIP Mom ?

13
God Bless For Taking Care Of Dad Some People have no clue how hard it is to care for someone with this Terrible Disease I know where you are going from Amen ??

14
If you haven’t told them that they need to help, you should. They won’t think of it themselves. Boldly ask. Boldly require a commitment. If nothing else they could shop and clean.

15
I agree. I have a sibling who constantly tears me and my daughter down just to build herself up, because she wants everyone to say, Oh,that poor thing, how does she do it all by herself? The answer is,she doesn’t. Kudos to you for all you do for your dad!

16
God bless you ! you just wrote my life! You actually hit it on the nail! Please don’t feel bad. They couldn’t buy what your giving him! Its priceless! I personally would be honored to even have such a family member who could love like this! You are a blessing!