Every Day I want to Scream. I just Want a Normal Life With my Husband and Kids.

Here is the deal:

My Mom moved in with us 15 months ago and it’s changed our family dynamic. My husband and I are doing okay, we can bitch and complain and go on dates to decompress, but the kids (8 & 6) are now crying to us that they miss it being just the four of us.

They have attitudes toward Grandma because I think they are starting to resent her for her disability that led to her having to live with us. She has her own apartment that she built on to our house last year, but she still manages to be in our space and on our outings enough to be the 5th wheel 80% of the time.

The addition also put us in a financial burden as we were forced to replace our roof (which we were not prepared to do) and now pay for an additional 950 sq ft of living space which includes another AC all the typical appliances of an apartment and she pays nothing towards our monthly utilities. She feels when we sell our house in 40 years we’ll benefit from her addition and get the pay-off then. ? Ya know, we’re so rich at 36 yrs old. ??

She is very sensitive, so if I bring this up, it will be a major guilt trip and blow-up, so I’d much rather it be in a safe space, preferably with someone savvy with some narcissistic behaviors. I also think dementia may be knocking on our door.

Jesus take the wheel!!

1
Bringing someone in definitely changes your life. My Dad has been here six months. He is pretty easy but won’t leave house except for dr appointment. So we don’t do as much stuff anymore. Have t ok plan around meals and meds. My Dad does pay some rent and puts in for groceries. If she has income it is reasonable to expect her to contribute something. Hugs

2
Jesus has the wheel just keep on riding with him.. been about the same amt time mil been with us..sure is a struggle..for us I finally broke down and said how much it would cost her to get in a home monthly like thousands of dollars.Then I said she would have to help with food and heating since we live in cold Michigan.Got her to finally agree before all hell broke loose lol..I was awaiting my own disability and we only had husbands to rely on.so that has worked our for us.

As far as the kids go this is a huge lesson in respect for the elderly and caring for those who once cared for us.Teach them to pray on it and trust in God.This is not a terminate situation and must always let love prevail. I totally get it and it is a long hard road but let God be your voice of reasoning ..much love !

3
We have no kids but my mom living with us has been hell on our marriage. All we do is take care of her. Can’t leave her alone, make plans or anything. My husband is wonderful and helps out but it is a trial to even get an evening out. Her presence has really ripped into our relationship and I am afraid it won’t get better again until she is gone. We have no help and I am exhausted caring and advocating for her and trying to find relief so we can have some of our life back.

4
Look for a psychotherapist who participated in Medicare Part B and does home visits. This is from my colleague and also friend’s website. It’s what she does for our elderly clients and families.

What is psychotherapy? At times we need a sounding board, someone to bounce ideas off of. There are times in our lives when we are struggling with depression, anxiety, difficulty transitioning to a new environment, difficulty adjusting to the aging process or needing to communicate better with your family. Studies have shown that talk therapy is a vital component to treating mental health issues. We provide in-home psychotherapy because we feel that people are most comfortable in their own homes.

In addition, meeting you in your home will allow us to get to know the whole person and reduce barriers to treatment, such as transportation, finances, disabilities, and stigma. We are contracted to bill Medicare Part B. We are able to provide ongoing psychotherapy/counseling services as well as one-time family consultations if you are finding it difficult to communicate your needs and wishes to family and friends.

5
I know what you mean. My mom also has an apartment that is attached to our house. I miss the times that it was me, my husband, and our son. I often feel like I’m neglecting my son but he is 17 and has the teenage mentality that he knows everything so he has been pushing me away.

Since mom has been with us we have developed our routines and things seem to be settling down. I know that with this disease things will constantly be changing but we have learned to roll with it, we make a good team. As far as the money goes, she doesn’t understand the concept anymore. So I use some of hers to pay the bills because I lost my income when I quit my job. (I have a part time job that doesn’t pay much but it gets me out of the house) I often feel guilty for using it but in order for me to stay home I have to.